The Last Duck

I have been pondering my 2011 Goal Setting exercise and here is the deal.  In 2010, I got a lot of ducks in a row.   Health is good.  Finances are in order.   Job situation looks good (although that could change lets assume that duck is aligned at the moment.)  Started lots of good stuff in 2010: more Yoga, meditation, less TV, more reading, volunteer work, non-profit connections, and some slow cooking!

There is really only one duck that need serious attention in 2011.  The dating/relationship duck.  Instead of making a list of nice-to-have goals, I am going to put all of my focus on finding a human being (specifically, a man) that I want to share my life with.  I am very grateful that all of the other ducks are accounted for at this time, which means I have no more excuses.

People say “just live your life and love will come.”  Not the way I live my life.  I am a horrible dater.  And when I say horrible, I mean I avoid it at all costs. I am just not good at putting myself out there.  Human connection can be disappointing.  (My TiVo, on the other hand, rarely lets me down.)

My conscious mind knows that human connection can also be fabulous and fun but the subconscious is much more powerful and mine is typically focused on the potential negative outcomes. As a result, when I am out and about with strangers, I send off a vibe of “don’t talk to me because I don’t feel like dealing with the fact that human connection is often disappointing” (although I would like to think it appears to the masses that I am just too cool.)

For those who don’t know me, I assure you, I am socially ept.  I have lots of friends and I am not a hermit.  I am attractive, smart, funny (and usually more modest.)  I just get in my own way when it comes to finding love.

This is the big enchilada.  The final fear that needs to be conquered (well not probably not the final fear, but it’s a big one.)  How the heck am I going to do it?

a) I have to keep making a concerted effort to get out there.  And “out there” has to be places where people that I might connect with will actually be.  I have not quite figured out where single, intelligent late 30s/early 40s men who don’t drink excessively and share my compassion for the world are hanging out, but I will keep looking.

b) When I am out there, I have to change my vibe to “I really want to meet you and I am so fabulous that you definitely want to meet me.”

c) Just the vibe probably won’t cut it.  I guess I have to take the initiative to actually speak to people.

I have been saying these things for years.  I edge myself out every once in a while and then find a million excuses to my head back in the turtle shell.  I am going to put all of my energy in to it this time and I just believe that the universe will send me something good in return.  I will do things I have done before but try to bring this new vibe in to the mix.  I will try new stuff and most importantly, try really hard not to avoid the stuff that scares the be-jesus out of me.

Hopefully, this time next year (or sooner would be nice), I will be talking about how I conquered this last duck.  And you will probably get updates along the way.

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4 thoughts on “The Last Duck”

  1. The real problem is that dating probably doesn’t scare the be-Jesus out of you, it just bores you to death. Thinking of spending precious limited time trying to be perky and cute and interesting when you could be home doing something you really enjoy is not even a zero on the scale of choices in an introvert’s day.

    I think you probably have to put “find man interested in a relationship” on a list and focus on that the same way you focus on other things. It’s a task that requires these actions — it doesn’t require you to feel or behave in any way that you do not normally feel and behave. The point of a relationship, if there is one, is to be able to feel and behave like yourself in the presence of another person.

    The task is to find that person, the same way you found the perfect vacation strategy. And to remember that half of getting what you want is wanting what you get.

    (That’s a really nice duck.)

  2. I assure you that I don’t plan to be anything but myself or abandon everything else in my life. Dating boring people can certainly be boring, so I will try to avoid those people and only date interesting people. I just have to try harder to find them 🙂

    (Thought you would like the ducks!)

  3. I think that advice, “just live your life and you will find someone,” only works if the life you want to live involves meeting lots of new people. But it seems to me that many of your 2010 ducks do just that. They get you out more, around new and interesting people who care about the things you care about.

    So while I hear your desire to do more to get that last duck, I think you should also acknowledge how much you have already done to get that duck. And a better life, too!

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