Cyberspace Dating Advice

A couple of weeks ago, I was thinking about how I have pretty much dropped the ball on my quest for love in 2012.  I decided to randomly Google “where to meet men over 40” and I came across the web site of Evan Marc Katz, a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women (his words).  I read his post on Where To Meet Men Over 40 and his answer was, online.  Evan Marc Katz is a huge fan of online dating.

I have not had success with online dating.  I have tried it on and off for years, between my failed real life encounters.  I could have put more time and effort in to it, but, it is very discouraging to be constantly emailed by unattractive, uninteresting men and never have the attractive (seemingly) interesting men reply to you.

In real life, I don’t generally have a problem getting men to be interested in me. I just don’t meet enough men that I am interested in.  My pool of potential candidates gets smaller and smaller as I get older. Finding a needle in a haystack , is pretty challenging.  At this point, I don’t even know where the farm is!  Apparently, Evan Marc Katz thinks the farm is online.  At a minimum, he has realized he can make money by telling people the farm is online and helping them navigate the farm.

I read a lot of Evan’s free advice and thought what he had to say was smart and made sense.  The site is really a marketing tool for his paid products (personal coaching and online dating advice/tools). I started to wonder if he really had some magical tricks up his sleeve that might improve my online prowess.  Which site is the best?  What should my profile say?  Which pictures should I post? Should I be honest about my age? Should I be winking or emailing?  What should I say in these emails?

I considered paying him $3,000 to for personal coaching which would include writing my profile for me and logging in to help me choose the guys I should write and reply to.  I had clearly failed at it myself, why not have someone else give it a try?  I ultimately decided that $3,000 was too much money.

Evan also has a $200 product, “Finding The One Online”, which includes 6 1/2 hours of audio, a 35 page transcript of the audio sessions, and a workbook so you can do it all yourself.  I finally decided it was worth $200 to find out if there was something I was missing.  If there was nothing of value in this “Finding The One Online” thing, then at least I would confirm that my online dating skills were as good as they could be and I could move forward and get back online. (I am a sucker for a good sales person.)

Since I could not find any reviews while I was debating, I decided to write one.

I scanned the transcript in about an hour and did not bother with the audio or workbook.  I am not going to list out everything he said. It is his product and he makes money on it (He is an amazing marketer).  I would say that most of his advice was common sense to me and things I had already applied.  After reviewing his materials I felt like my profile was creative enough and I know my pictures are fine because I get a lot of hits on my profile.

Evan suggested NOT to send standard emails to people that say “Hi, I liked your profile, check mine out and see what you think.”  This has pretty much been my standard email. If you have a profile really reflects who you are, why should you then have to write an incredible, mind blowing email.  I already spent hours obsessing about my profile.  If I have to write a super creative email every time, it will never happen.  For me, I think it is more important to make more moves.  This could be my fatal flaw.  Sometimes I do step it up and get creative, but I still get no reply.

Evan is also a big fan of the phone screen before actually meeting in person. He thinks this can save time and reduce the number of bad dates. To me the phone screen is even more uncomfortable than a quick drink. Perhaps I could do a bit more email before moving right to drinks.  I will have to see how this goes, if anyone I am interested in ever writes me back.

I did agree with his recommendation to spend one hour every day on this quest. You have to put in the time and try to be open.  Two things I have not done in the past.

The biggest thing I got from “Finding the One Online” was to focus on the men who are looking for me. There is no point writing to the guys who only want to date younger women.  I am not likely going to change their mind on the internet.  I do want to date mature, emotionally healthy grown- ups.  This is non-negotiable.  He also reinforced what I had already decided, that I should not lie about my age.

After reading Even Marc Katz’s $200 advice, I did sign back up for Match, tweaked my profile a bit and send it out to the universe.  He did get me back online with a more positive attitude. This is a start! If I meet someone I will then say it was definitely worth $200.  So far, the results are exactly the same (lots of emails from unattractive, uninteresting guys and no responses to my emails) but I will keep plugging away.  It always feels better to be trying. I will also keep trying to find that needle in the haystack of the real world, and I will keep you posted…

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6 thoughts on “Cyberspace Dating Advice”

  1. This is Evan. I never do this, but I had to respond.

    I appreciate your kind words about my marketing, however, I think it’s important that you know it’s not just marketing. Everything in there is something that can move the needle for you. So you bought a $200 product, scanned it in an hour and find that the results are exactly the same as they were before.

    How about you throw out your old profile and start over? New photo, username, headline, profile, email technique, etc.

    Because all you seem to have done is determined that you don’t want to rewrite your profile, you don’t want to change your photos, you don’t want to change your email technique and you don’t want to screen men before meeting them.

    This is like hiring a trainer and saying “I don’t want to sweat. I don’t want to wake up early. I don’t want to eat vegetables. I don’t want to cut out sweets and carbs after dark.”

    I’m only writing this because I CARE. Try TAKING the advice instead of reading it and dismissing it, and then you can see if it makes a difference…

    Good luck.

    Evan

    1. Evan! Thanks for taking the time to read my blog and for sharing your thoughts. You are 100% right on. After I finished that post, I realized (even before your comment) that it came out much more negatively than I intended. It’s on. You have made it my personal challenge. I have made some changes, but I will try to take more of your advice and see what happens. Stay posted to see how it turns out!

  2. Whoever Evan is, I love his advice/challenge. Take it! Shake things up and try something new.

    And I say that $3000 is worth every penny. It’s not like you don’t have the money. You just wont’ be able to go on vacation or buy clothes for a year. But why not? You say you want someone in 2012. Try something outrageous. Clothes and vacation will be there in 2013. You can blog about everything you try with him, and it will be a great adventure.

    From someone else who cares (and knows you).

  3. lovemytivo, Thank you for your honest feedback! I am considering joining an on-line website after horrible experiences many years ago. I’m interested in finding out if Evan’s $3,000 is worth it. Please keep us/me informed. It you find his methods work; then I will skimp and save for his products. I remain skeptical; yet if his methods work; then he is provides a blessing for those of us who want to share our lives and love and grow old with someone we love and who loves us. I consider you the ‘pilot test.’ The truth shall prevail!!!!

    1. Joann – I have not gone as far as to pay Evan for his 1:1 service, but I have tried a little bit harder to implement the advice in his “Finding The One Online” program. You can read about that from my posts this fall, starting with So far, I have still not had much luck, but I have not followed all of his advice completely. I don’t spend as might time as I should and I still don’t have professional photos. His $3,000 course would clearly provide more personal help than his online program and force you to do the work (because you are paying for a short period of time!) I will keep trying and posting updates!

      1. Thank you for your your response. My friend who found her fiance’ (both in their 50’s; as I am) was told by people to have photo’s outdoors and to show her full self. I know I like to see different scenes and postures. I had pro. photo’s done years ago; where they photoshopped me. (Big mistake with the photoshopping.) I think it’s best to get someone who cares about you to spend some time taking different poses with different clothes and thento choose the most flattering. My friend who got engaged through the internet (and I’ve heard from my friends that their friends have been engaged through various ones; her photo was just her face with her dog. Please keep me informed as you continue your process. I get the sense from what I read from people’s responses on his website; that it’s about what we as women can do for the man. Ugh; then the man will be all about what you can do for him and not be a respectful man. I don’t believe in what the masses say; I believe in being a kind and thoughtful person and stating what you look for and what you are about. Honest and direct.

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