A couple of weeks ago, I was thinking about how I have pretty much dropped the ball on my quest for love in 2012. I decided to randomly Google “where to meet men over 40” and I came across the web site of Evan Marc Katz, a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women (his words). I read his post on Where To Meet Men Over 40 and his answer was, online. Evan Marc Katz is a huge fan of online dating.
I have not had success with online dating. I have tried it on and off for years, between my failed real life encounters. I could have put more time and effort in to it, but, it is very discouraging to be constantly emailed by unattractive, uninteresting men and never have the attractive (seemingly) interesting men reply to you.
In real life, I don’t generally have a problem getting men to be interested in me. I just don’t meet enough men that I am interested in. My pool of potential candidates gets smaller and smaller as I get older. Finding a needle in a haystack , is pretty challenging. At this point, I don’t even know where the farm is! Apparently, Evan Marc Katz thinks the farm is online. At a minimum, he has realized he can make money by telling people the farm is online and helping them navigate the farm.
I read a lot of Evan’s free advice and thought what he had to say was smart and made sense. The site is really a marketing tool for his paid products (personal coaching and online dating advice/tools). I started to wonder if he really had some magical tricks up his sleeve that might improve my online prowess. Which site is the best? What should my profile say? Which pictures should I post? Should I be honest about my age? Should I be winking or emailing? What should I say in these emails?
I considered paying him $3,000 to for personal coaching which would include writing my profile for me and logging in to help me choose the guys I should write and reply to. I had clearly failed at it myself, why not have someone else give it a try? I ultimately decided that $3,000 was too much money.
Evan also has a $200 product, “Finding The One Online”, which includes 6 1/2 hours of audio, a 35 page transcript of the audio sessions, and a workbook so you can do it all yourself. I finally decided it was worth $200 to find out if there was something I was missing. If there was nothing of value in this “Finding The One Online” thing, then at least I would confirm that my online dating skills were as good as they could be and I could move forward and get back online. (I am a sucker for a good sales person.)
Since I could not find any reviews while I was debating, I decided to write one.
I scanned the transcript in about an hour and did not bother with the audio or workbook. I am not going to list out everything he said. It is his product and he makes money on it (He is an amazing marketer). I would say that most of his advice was common sense to me and things I had already applied. After reviewing his materials I felt like my profile was creative enough and I know my pictures are fine because I get a lot of hits on my profile.
Evan suggested NOT to send standard emails to people that say “Hi, I liked your profile, check mine out and see what you think.” This has pretty much been my standard email. If you have a profile really reflects who you are, why should you then have to write an incredible, mind blowing email. I already spent hours obsessing about my profile. If I have to write a super creative email every time, it will never happen. For me, I think it is more important to make more moves. This could be my fatal flaw. Sometimes I do step it up and get creative, but I still get no reply.
Evan is also a big fan of the phone screen before actually meeting in person. He thinks this can save time and reduce the number of bad dates. To me the phone screen is even more uncomfortable than a quick drink. Perhaps I could do a bit more email before moving right to drinks. I will have to see how this goes, if anyone I am interested in ever writes me back.
I did agree with his recommendation to spend one hour every day on this quest. You have to put in the time and try to be open. Two things I have not done in the past.
The biggest thing I got from “Finding the One Online” was to focus on the men who are looking for me. There is no point writing to the guys who only want to date younger women. I am not likely going to change their mind on the internet. I do want to date mature, emotionally healthy grown- ups. This is non-negotiable. He also reinforced what I had already decided, that I should not lie about my age.
After reading Even Marc Katz’s $200 advice, I did sign back up for Match, tweaked my profile a bit and send it out to the universe. He did get me back online with a more positive attitude. This is a start! If I meet someone I will then say it was definitely worth $200. So far, the results are exactly the same (lots of emails from unattractive, uninteresting guys and no responses to my emails) but I will keep plugging away. It always feels better to be trying. I will also keep trying to find that needle in the haystack of the real world, and I will keep you posted…