All The Retrogrades

It’s been a minute, I know!  It’s soooooo hard to find time to write! But here I am! Let me catch you up….

Right after I got back from the UK, one of my employees resigned and my already heavy workload doubled in the job that is not my life’s purpose #bummer (I think in hashtags now, blame Instagram.)

BUT, I still moved forward with gusto to help some of my fellow pilgrims/heroes/spiritual creative friends with projects so I could learn more about what they need and how I can help them.

I gave my friend Maryanne some social media coaching, and she is doing great with  beautiful posts about her work as a Gyrotonics and Gyrokinesis instructor!  (FYI she happens to be teaching a 40 day online course. If you are looking for a morning movement and breath practice with an amazing teacher find her on Instagram and she will hook you up!)

I helped my friend Kim get her website cleaned up and get a page posted for her upcoming Soul Deep Retreat. I learned that building websites in WordPress is fun, but very time consuming!  Helping creative & spiritual entrepreneurs with systems related stuff feels like the right move, but websites might have to be outsourced or kept very simple. Good learning.  Another side note…if you have any interest in Shamanism, want an astrology reading, or to get more deeply connected to your soul and change some recurring patterns in your life, reach out to Kim! I have done a couple of sessions with her myself that have been very eye opening (more on that later) and I just love her.

I also helped my friend Chris set up her Acuity scheduling system so she can have her clients automatically schedule time with her.  Chris is a costume designer/stylist launching a business to help people clear out their closets and fill them back up with clothes that make them happy! How amazing is that! Chris is a talented artist and a beautiful soul. (I love my new friends!) If you have some closets that need clearing or some styling needs, Chris is taking on new clients this fall! You can find her here on Instagram.

In the middle of all of that excitement, I got sick. My bi-annual sinus infection reared its ugly head and it lasted for weeks!  My body was clearly trying to send me a message and I think it might have been…

“Starting your own business is too scary! Stay where it is safe and you know you will succeed and have a steady paycheck. Stop all of this side hustle shit.”

I also just completely melted down emotionally, and had all kinds of doubts about everything and there were a lot of tears and thoughts like this…What have I gotten myself in to? Can I really have my own business? How can I work on this and do my full time job? Why can’t I connect with my spirit guides and see my past lives like everyone else? Why won’t my crystal talk to me?!  Why isn’t the Reiki working!? What am I doing!!! Is this all bull shit? 

Good times.

But ALSO during all of this, I was exposed to Astrology!!!!!! This completely deserves its own post (and there might be many because I am kind of obsessed at the moment.) What I will say now, is that we are apparently in the middle of a very crazy astrological time. Its eclipse season, both mercury and mars are in retrograde, and Uranus moves in to retrograde soon.  I had no idea what any of this meant before two weeks ago (and I still don’t really but now I talk like this!) Is it real? Is it not real? Well, it made me feel better to know that, possibly, planetary alignments could be contributing to me feeling like shit because planets keep moving so there might be an end! You tell me if you have been feeling any of this in the past few weeks?

In simple terms, this astrology feels like an explosion with an earthquake thrown in for good measure. Eclipses pull up shadows and things we wanted to keep hidden. Mercury retrograde tries to trick us in to making mistakes so we can learn from them. Mars retrograde demands that we make our anger, potency, and power conscious so that we might use it wisely instead of destructively. Uranus demands change. (Source: Chani Nichols)

I can’t exactly tell you when it will let up (because I don’t really know what I am talking about yet) BUT the final eclipse is on August 11th so this could be good news!

There was also a shamanic journeying sessions that I am still processing (wow!) and I learned about my energy centers of training which I need to tell you about did some shadow fear work and some Ho’oponopono meditation.  Its been a lot of stuff!

When I thought about sitting down to write this post, I thought what would come out was…”Yeah, I’ve been working a lot and I got sick and was miserable”, but now that I am at the end of the post, I realize that I have been working on and moving through a lot of stuff. This is why I should write more!!

I will be back soon….I promise!

 

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One Week Out

I have been home for a little over a week. The jet lag has faded and I am back to real life.  I am falling back in to the rhythm of my just OK and not AMAZING life. Old patterns and feelings are creeping back in.

I still have so many questions! How can I keep moving and growing while living my day to day life? How can I ignite the flame of the sparks of spiritual connections I made in the UK? What the hell kind of business am I supposed to start? There are not enough hours in the day.  In my free moments, I can’t decide whether to write or research or get in my move calories or meditate or do Rieki!!  Then I have to plan healthy meals, get in my 8 hours of beauty sleep, and keep doing my day job.  I have accumulated so many books on my Kindle but I am not reading them!!  (I guess I need to prioritize the one on Slip Stream Time Hacking!)

What is the right balance of taking care of yourself and pushing yourself to keep growing?

I was planning to write about the poetry and movement course but that is not how I am feeling today. Today I am feeling a little paralyzed and overwhelmed and not sure what to do next. The Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt (FUD) are setting in.  I have withdrawal from being surrounded by the people I became so close to.  I am back in my solo life that requires effort to engage with other people (not my forte) and will power to NOT engage with the wrong people (also not my forte).

My life is not all new things and adventures. There is a lot of this FUD mixed in.  My life is not my social media feed. Keeping up that level of excitement is against my nature (or at least my current vibration.) I have to fight hard to break the downward spiral that can set in.  On days like today I try to start with one thing that will move me in the right direction.

No, actually, what I do first is give myself a little bit of time to feel what I am feeling. I acknowledge that what I am trying to do (live my biggest and best life and elevate my vibration) is hard and I let myself have an internal temper-tantrum.

 

I did the work! I went on the pilgrimage! Can’t it be all fixed now? Why can’t I make decisions more easily ? Why is the path still not clear? How can I still get distracted by things and people that are not best for my greatest and highest good? I released my fears in to a sacred spring. And then I burned them in the fireplace of a 700 year old manor! I plunged naked in to a freezing cold healing pool to purify myself.  I have the Universal Life Force Energy flowing through me.  AND I have the I have a manifestation wand that lights up!  Seriously…what else can I do???!!!!

Well, I am a star soul on a quest for enlightenment. There is more work to do. (More on star souls later, I am still learning!)

After the temper tantrum, I buckle down and make myself do SOMETHING. Just one thing (that I don’t really feel like doing) that will keep me on my trajectory. I can take a walk and listen to an inspiring podcast.  I can reach out to connect with other human beings (being careful to stick with the ones that will elevate my vibration.)  I can write.  I can get my ass to a yoga class (or a dance class)! I can finish that book on Slip Stream Time Hacking! I can make a list of stuff to learn about for my mystery business (I really love lists. Can start a business that is all about lists?).

My inspirational advice for today?

Get perspective. Practice self love. Do just one thing, which will turn in to one more thing….Keep moving.

 

 

Restarting the Blog..Maybe

One of my goals for 2017 was to start blogging again. It’s December 28th so I thought I should get on it.

A few months ago I re-read 5 years of blog posts to try to get back in to the swing of it.  When I read back what I had written, I was not sure I wanted to start blogging again. I like having a history of what I was up to (and thinking about), but reading myself say the same thing over and over again —  setting goals, trying to achieve them, work getting in the way, blah, blah, blah — was boring (especially in a binge read which is not how they unfolded or were intended to be consumed.)

In case you are just joining in now or want a refresher yourself here are a few to give you a gist of my personal development theme:

I did write some hilarious posts about the minutia of my life (if I might say so myself):

My many posts on television bored the bejesus out of me. (Some less sucky ones include Goodbye Friday Night Lights and I Finally Tackled Battlestar Galactica)  I have no interest in blogging about television any more.  I definitely still watch television and it has become SO much better since I started this blog in 2010.  (Back in the day, Netflix only came in red envelopes! Remember that?)

There was a lot of interest in my dating posts and I did enjoy writing and re-reading those! Here are a few goodies from that genre:

I wanted my blog to be a continuous story thread to keep my readers (aka family and friends) up to date on what was going on with me and it was the same s*^t over and over, with small progressions in the right direction.  That is what life is, but that is not a riveting read. I don’t want to blog that way any more. Social media has exploded since I started the blog and that is a much easier way to keep people up to date.

I did take on a huge project in 2017 and it was very weird not to write about it here.  There was a request to summarize that project and the blog seems like a good place to do that so I have committed to at least one more post!  It seemed weird to jump right in to that after such a long hiatus, so I birthed this transitional summary post you find yourself reading now.

There are a couple of other reasons to re-start the blog again:

  1. I have an interest in writing and I think I’m pretty good at it. I want to explore this creative outlet again and see if it something that should become a larger part of my life.
  2. I want to write about things that are helpful to other people. I spend a lot of time searching on the internet for stuff that I want to know more about.  I can pay it forward by writing about things that other people want to know more about.

I don’t know how far this will go. I thought about creating a new blog to start fresh but I don’t have a new idea or perspective for that yet.  If that emerges I will take the leap, but for now, I will continue the story here and see what unfolds…

Today is My Birthday

Today is my birthday. Hitting 46 feels like I am officially starting the second half of my life. I’ll have to report back at 91 (or 92?) to let you know if I outperformed that assumption. Although, when I am in my 90s, people might not be writing blogs. The internet might just read all of our minds in to a collective consciousness or something (like the Cylons on Battlestar Galactica!) Then you won’t need an update.

What’s probably more important at the moment, is that I am actually in a good place as I kick of this approximate second phase of life. There have been a lot of days lately where I have realized that I am in a good mood and I am not sure why. That’s a pretty awesome feeling. (Reading back through my blog posts from this past year, I know I am in a better place. 2014 was not so amazing, huh?)

Has my job gotten less crazy? Nope.

Have I found that magical love that I thought would change everything? Nope.

Am I meditating, doing tons of yoga, or getting in more cardio? Not really. (as a matter of fact, I have scientific proof from my fitbit that I am not even taking very many steps!)

What’s changed?…..me!  Over time, things have just shifted. (OK, that did not just happen. I have worked VERY hard at it. I am pretty sure this shift is a return on investment for my almost twenty years of therapy. That is an encouraging thought as I write those checks every month.)

I think I have transitioned through that time in my life where I was expecting things to happen, comparing myself to other people, constantly trying to figure out why those things were not happening, or beating myself up for not trying hard enough. Some stuff happened. Some stuff didn’t. Some stuff may happen in the future and some stuff won’t. That’s how it goes…

Every time I talk to a friend or co-worker about some annoying thing in my life, they one-up me with something worse in their life. Being single is hard. Being married is hard. Working in a high stress job is hard. Being laid off is hard. Raising kids is hard. People get sick. People die. People are mean. Disappointment happens. There is no perfect life and we have no control over most of it. But sometimes the sky looks beautiful. Sometimes people surprise you (in a good way!). Sometimes a movie touches your heart. Sometimes you can actually balance in the dancers pose. Sometimes your little niece wants to call you on the phone because she misses you. Sometimes you kick ass in a meeting. And sometimes, just seeing a lizard will make you smile (that might only happen to me.)  If you are lucky enough to really appreciate these good moments and breathe through the shitty ones. Life is good.

This is all very Zen. I should really read up on all of this Buddhist stuff I might be accidentally living.

For the past six months, the main focus of my upcoming birthday was this grand plan that I had to roll my birth date back at midnight so I would stay 45 on OK Cupid. I had convinced myself that being 46 was the kiss of death for online dating and I was never going to get older than 45 online. But when the day came, I couldn’t do it.  First of all, it is not like dating at 45 has been all that fruitful. (Yes, the ridiculousness of the men I encounter in the dating world has continued in to 2015.) If I am going to lie about my age, I should go all out and be 35. But the real issue was that I don’t want to be something I am not. Period. I like myself and I want to be myself. I’m 46 and I’m awesome. I work really hard to be this person that I like, and this person does not lie. Your loss if you can’t handle my 46 year old awesomeness 🙂

So I am going to move in to my 47th year and do whatever the hell I want and be myself. I have managed to create a life where that is possible, every day. Not bad.

A Couple of My Favorite Food Things

This month, I have two favorite food things. These food things came in to my life because I hate deciding what to eat. I dread the trip to the grocery store every week. Thing 1 and thing 2 have made eating simpler, a bit more fun, and still healthy!

Vitamix – This kitchen tool has completely changed my life in just a week. I am very lazy in the kitchen. When I decide I am hungry, I want to be eating within 10 minutes. If it takes more than 10 minutes to prepare, I don’t really want it by the time it is ready (and I usually mess it up or I make SO much I end up throwing most of it away. Things just don’t taste as good after they are frozen so I don’t freeze.) I also happen to be the only person in NYC who does not order in, ever.  I have this vision of lukewarm, unhealthy, expensive food showing up at my door.  So I just don’t do it. This summer, I found myself eating snacks for dinner most nights. Mostly healthy snacks (popcorn, crackers and Tzatziki), but still snacks. Not enough nutrition.  I decided it was time to jump on the smoothie train. (I had considered a juicer because I actually prefer the consistency of juice, but juicers are a huge pain and not for someone who is lazy in the kitchen.)

I jumped WAY in paying over $500 for the Vitamix Professional Series 300. When it arrived and I set it up in my kitchen, it looked HUGE! My kitchen is super tiny with only ONE plug on a very small counter next to my sink. This plug is already supporting a microwave, a fridge, a toaster over, and a coffee maker.  Could my kitchen support another appliance? I almost sent it back for a smaller version but I had already purchased a ton of fruits and veggies and was dying for a smoothie!  The first one was delicious and SO easy. Pineapple, banana, and kale. The next day I made cashew nut milk. 10 minutes from start to finish INCLUDING clean up. I had purchased WAY more than I could eat before it went bad, but I learned that I can freeze fruit or use frozen fruit! You actually SHOULD use frozen fruit if you want a cold smoothie. I can stock up on Saturday to last the whole week. Amazing. Trader Joes power greens, ,some berries, almond milk and yogurt and I have a full meal. After a couple of days of super yummy smoothies I had a bit too much confidence and went off recipe and ended up with something really disgusting that tasted like an avocado, kale mousse. I couldn’t drink it.  Everything else has been really delicious and healthy.  In the winter, I can use it to make soup! Definitely a very good investment (with a 7 year warranty!)

e6b860edb2e89656_naturebox1.xxxlarge_2xNaturebox – Another favorite food thing, a magical box of healthy snacks that arrives in the mail every month. I do love to snack. Naturebox donates meals to the hungry for every box I buy, no artificial anything, delivered right to my door.  $20 a month for 5 snacks packages is not super cheap, but I pay for convenience and health, so I am their target market. For the first few months, Naturebox picked my snacks for me. I hate deciding what to eat so I was happy to let the mystery box appear every month. I liked most of the snacks, but there were always a couple I was not wild about.  Then I finally got my act together to take advantage of their select your own snacks option!  There are so many delicious options to pick from. Here are a few of my favorites: Sourdough Cheddar Pretzels, Whole Wheat Apple Pie Figgy Bars, Lemon Tea Biscuits, Banana Bread Granola, Everything Bagel Sticks (so this is what I was eating for dinner before I got my Vitamix). If you are thinking about trying it, hit me up. I can get you one free box when you sign up for a subscription (that you can of course cancel if you don’t love it as much as I do.) I can not, unfortunately, get you a discount on a Vitamix.

A Few of My Favorite Apps

Every once in a while I stumble across something cool.  I have this plan to write a monthly blog featuring a few of my favorite new things. That’s a lot of things. Let’s start with my new favorite apps and where it goes…

Bus NYCBus New York City – I am a big fan of the bus. It’s not cool, I know. I ride the bus. I see who I am riding the bus with. But I get to stay above ground where there is more fresh air and more to see. And when you live on the far east side of NYC, the bus becomes your friend. What makes the bus fun, is the Bus NYC app. This app tells me exactly when the bus is coming! It’s amazing. I can see all of the buses on the route and watch them move along while I obsessively refresh the view. I can pull up the schedule to see exactly when the next bus is coming. I can save my favorite stops so I can pull them up quickly. My current commute to work involves changing from one bus to another so now I can get on bus #1 and try to perfectly time bus #2. So much fun. I paid $3 for this app, but worth every penny.

CitymapperCitymapper – Shortly after my life was changed by the Bus New York City map, I learned about the Citymapper app. This app takes my real time bus information to a whole new level. Citymapper will show me the fastest transit route to get to any destination in NYC. I have tried other apps that claim to do this (like HopStop) but I never took to them.  A couple of things about Citymapper that got me hooked right away. (1) it includes the path train as a transit option. Not many people know about or use the path for commutes within Manhattan (since it goes to NJ), but Citymapper does (2) The main screen includes an intuitive way to add home and work as short cuts so I can always very quickly find the fastest way to get to the two places I go most.  Very cool.  In addition, the app will also display how long it will take to walk, bike, or cab it to my destination AND how many calories I would burn for walking or biking.  Even MORE, the biking option show options for your own bike or using a bike share. I can see it does even more stuff that I haven’t figured out yet. Seriously, this app is awesome. And it was free. FREE! Unfortunately, Citymapper is telling me my two bus commute is not always the fastest option and I am still in a bit of denial about this.

Equanimity TimerEquanimity – My last app is not a transit app.  Equanimity is my meditation timer. Since I have been hitting the meditation pillow (almost) every day for 15 minutes, this one gets a lot of use. I like this app because it is simple and it keeps a record of my meditation. I have a nice log that reminds me I have issues with meditating on Saturday for some reason so I can’t get a good continuous run going. I have tried another app called Insight Timer that does the same things AND shows you who else is mediating with the Insight Timer app around the world (or near you.) That is all well and good, but the Insight Timer app is kind of hideous.  Sure, for most of the time I am meditating, I am not looking at the app, but a nice elegant interface gets me in the right mindset for my 15 minutes of quiet thinking.  Note: Insight Timer is FREE and I paid $5 for Equanimity. I pay for quality. It’s how I roll…

Equanimity Timer 2

What are your favorite apps blog fans?

Catching Up

It’s been a while…again…I know. Shortly after my last post about Creating Possibilities, my work world got turned upside down. Teams split. I was given away and then traded back. I ultimately ended up in a much better place, but it was a crazy whirlwind.

I had been doing all of that work to keep things moving along on my slow, continuous journey for overall overall “betterness” but I hadn’t really figured out what the heck I was going to do next. Then all of these  unexpected changes happened that were mostly out of my control.

That’s kind of the way life goes. I somehow managed to get myself out of a bad spot by continuing to do kick-ass work and saying as little as possible to keep my options open and not piss anyone off (I am REALLY good at both of these things.) I partly got lucky and partly made opportunities for myself by just being me.

I am definitely back on the right track professionally. I don’t know where I want to be in five years, but I do know that I want that promotion I turned down last year. I have earned it. After I tackle this one, maybe I can retire and become a yoga teacher and figure out how to save the world.

Getting this promotion might take a little bit more than staying quiet and working my ass off. I am going to need a bit more of that being brave mixed in but I am going for it!  I don’t know how much writing I will have time for on this quest, but I do have some posts brewing in me. Now that we are caught up, maybe we can talk about some fun stuff! Stay tuned…